Just beginning ~

 My finding out I am not just a sensitive person, but I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), is just starting to make a difference. I say just starting because I have a long way to go. I know there is no "cure" out there but to be able to learn how to handle all that goes on inside my head, heart, brain, and even with my physical hurts, well this is more than a dream come true! Knowing I am "wired" differently and not just a crazy mushy lady. I have felt different since I was a child. My whole life I have been told things like, "You are too sensitive, you need to toughen up, don't take things so personally, and you are a crybaby."  There are hurts and feelings I have that I have never been able to express because I knew no one would get me. Now I am hearing other HSP folks express stuff and it is exactly what I am feeling, thinking, etc.,.... and that has been amazing! I have had many people try to shame me over the years and even now I still get some negative comments, but I don't care what anyone says. I don't care if I have a "named or titled" something. All I care about is getting help in understanding myself...FINALLY. There weren't any studies or scientific research done when I was younger, I wish there had been! Now they know that a Highly Sensitive Person carries a scientific trait, and more and more information has become available for folks like me who are finding and learning about being an HSP. 

Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP, is a term coined by psychologist Elaine Aron. According to Aron’s theory, HSPs are a subset of the population who are high in a personality trait known as sensory-processing sensitivity, or SPS. Those with high levels of SPS display increased emotional sensitivity, stronger reactivity to both external and internal stimuli—pain, hunger, light, and noise—and a complex inner life.

The acronym for highly sensitive person is DOES, which stands for:

• D: Depth of processing
• O: Overstimulation
• E: Emotional responsivity/empathy
• S: Sensitive to subtleties 

 Elaine Aron, a researcher and expert on highly sensitive people (HSPs), first used the acronym in her book Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person. She and her husband, Arthur Aron, coined the term "highly sensitive person" in the mid-1990s.

 

I don’t know why but I suddenly thought the stress I had been carrying for so many years may be exacerbated by my being so extremely sensitive. So I decided one day to look for a book on sensitivity.   I found an audiobook called The Highly Sensitive Person by Dr. Elaine Aaron. Finding her book was a lightbulb moment for me. I took the test in the book more than a year ago, and then reading a few other things, it helped me to learn I wasn't just a mushy weirdo. I thought okay now that I know there is something maybe that is enough just knowing. Nope, that did not work or change anything, I still didn’t know what to do with all I had been feeling since I was a child.  With all the added stress I had been under for the last 10 years, I realized I needed to do more research about being an HSP and maybe even get some type of help or support. I needed to really deep dive and try to understand my HSP issues because I have been trying to handle way too much alone, and it was not working. In the last few months, I have learned so much more, but as I said I have a long way to go. I am joining an HSP Zoom group, and I hope to start one-on-one HSP coaching/therapy soon. I know I need to find someone who understands what I am going through, to first help me to understand, and then to help me learn how to live with being an HSP.

Sharing things, I am learning about myself as an HSP ~

 It is now known that approximately 20% of people in the population carry the HSP trait. Now that I recognize that I am one of these 20%, I want to learn how to manage being an HSP.  I am one of about 20 – 30% of the HSPs that are both extroverted and introverted, instead of being mostly introverted. I learned I will always be an HSP, there is no “cure” for this trait. For me being an HSP has been very difficult. They say HSPs have lots of gifts, like being highly empathetic, caring for others, being able to read others, and many other things. But these gifts can also be very hurtful! They say HSPs can care too much for others often, and they do not take care of themselves. Their emotions are always on high alert, and they get very easily hurt and deeply hurt. If an HSP thinks they have upset someone, it hurts them very deeply, and they can’t put those feelings away. HSP’s deeply hurt for others who are hurting. A sad movie even can leave an HSP sad for a long while. HSPs overthink everything, they love to plan out everything, and they have a tendency to be perfectionists. HSPs usually are creative in some way. They need downtime, alone time, and time to process things. Or they will get burnt out or become ill. Well, almost every one of these things is me, except the need to be alone.  I have never wanted to be alone. I do need some time to decompress but I know I don’t take time for myself time as often as I should. When I do take down time for myself, I realize my downtime is when I am cleaning, quilting, or creating new recipes in the kitchen.  That is “my” downtime. It is time for me to process all the things that are constantly running around in my brain. I have learned already if I am blue or sad, I do not watch a sad movie, it will leave me feeling blue for hours afterward. I am always uncomfortable meeting new people. I observe everything going on in a room full of people even though I am not trying to! These are just a few of the things I have learned about myself,

Now after doing loads more reading, Podcasts, and taking several online tests I finally am beginning for the very first time in my life to feel that I might not be just an over-emotional weird person. So now I need to figure out how to deal with all these things I have felt and things that have been hurting me my whole life. Like I mentioned a few months ago I realized that just knowing I was an HSP did not make it feel any better or change anything.

As I have read repeatedly now, HSPs process emotions much more deeply than someone without the HSP trait; and we process the emotions for a much longer time too. These emotions often hurt us very deeply. This is all true for me and now I see and understand that others without this trait are not wired like I am and so now of course I see why I am usually not understood by others! Why others don’t react to things like I do.

This Saturday, I had my first-ever Zoom meeting with a small group of HSPs, both males and females. One of the members in the group is a therapist and she is also an HSP. This was the first time in my life I was with a group of people just like me! It was both amazing and emotionally overwhelming!  Also, for the first time in my life when I shared a few things and everyone in the group knew exactly what I was talking about and how I was feeling, well that was like a small miracle. I am still working on my emotions from this experience because I have never felt that anyone would ever “get me!”  I wasn’t sure I could open myself up when the meeting started, but I was determined to finally get some help/support that I knew I desperately needed!  I knew I needed to speak up about myself. I was proud of myself for “opening” up, it wasn’t easy at first until others started sharing things and then I knew it was okay to share because they really did understand me and my feelings, etc. They were like me!!!

Yesterday, on a Podcast I heard an HSP therapist, who uses art as therapy says for HSP’s the old saying “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt you” is a load of crap for HSPs because we remember hurtful words the rest of our lives. This is so true. I can remember hurtful things that were said to me as a very young child.

I am sharing this on a blog because more people need to know about this trait and then maybe more HSPs will be understood! I was 67 years old when I discovered I was an HSP. I wish I had known of this years ago. Recently, I shared everything I was doing and learning with my sons and daughters, so they could understand me better. Also, I just recently got the courage to share some information with a few close friends. I have been fortunate that my husband and my best friend have been involved in this whole process from the beginning. They had asked me to share things I read, Podcasts I listen to, and articles I find, so they could try to understand me better.  I can’t tell you how important their support has been. It is huge for them to take the time to follow what I am doing and for them to want to try and understand me!  I know no one can see inside of us HSPs, or feel our hurts, etc. but if your loved ones know even a little something about Highly Sensitive People it will help them understand you better.